Many of us have the habit of procrastination. We stall rather than move forward decisively. Ultimately, of course, decisions are made and things get done. But we tend to heap on self-criticism about having put things off.
All that self-criticism is in fact misguided. Research indicates that berating oneself actually seems to promote procrastination! It turns out that putting things off isn’t rooted in laziness or bad time management. Rather, it stems from fear of failure or fear of others’ judgment of our performance. A Princeton study suggests that “self-compassion” may be a more fruitful path to getting things done.
If you find yourself procrastinating, try this approach to feeling better (and doing more!):
- Check your self-talk. Instead of commanding yourself to “just get on with it,” listen consciously to your inner voice. You might discover thoughts such as, “I have to call health insurance about Mom’s bill! But I always feel so dumb when I talk with them.” Or, “Dad’s bedroom is a mess. I should clean it, but Sis will just find something wrong with what I’ve done.”
- Put it in perspective. You’re not unwilling to do the task, you just don’t want to end up feeling stupid or inadequate. That’s not “bad,” that’s just human and understandable!
- Give yourself realistic, gentle support. Acknowledge that anxiety and fear of criticism are the culprits. Rewrite your internal script more positively. For example, “It’s perfectly okay to have questions about Mom’s bill. It doesn’t mean I’m dumb. Insurance bills are complicated. It’s the company’s job to explain the statement if it isn’t clear.” Or, “It doesn’t feel good when Sis says those things. I need to take a deep breath and let it go. Just because we do things differently doesn’t mean that I don’t do a good-enough job.”
Having trouble getting everything done?
As the Delaware, and Delaware and Chester Counties in PA experts in family caregiving, we at Delaware Palliative understand the tendency to put things off. There’s so much to do and only 24 hours in the day! If you are having trouble getting everything done, let us help with the eldercare side of your to-do list. Give us a call at 302-478-5707. You don’t have to do this alone.
