Learning that a loved one has received a dementia diagnosis is hard. Perhaps even more so if you live far away but are responsible for their care. In this situation, you’ll need an on-the-ground team of people who live near your relative to support them and you.
In the early stages of dementia, it’s important to respect your loved one’s ability to handle what life activities they can. Taking over too much too soon can backfire and precipitate resistance. It’s a time for bonding with them about the diagnosis and getting set up to monitor their safety and well-being. Brainstorm with them about family/friends who are nearby and might pitch in. Realistically, you may need to hire some professional help. Consider who can assist in these areas:
- Home and safety. Someone to watch for scorched pans, burned-out lightbulbs, increasing clutter, and other signs of decline. Consider a paid housecleaner, an occupational therapist or aging-in-place specialist to assess for hazards and recommend adjustments.
- Do they need help with grocery shopping? Are they eating three daily meals? Will local family/friends include them in meal gatherings? Also check out meal delivery services and related community resources.
- Health and medications. Ensure you know their doctors, pharmacists, and other healthcare providers. Get authorized for direct contact. Prepare someone to monitor medications and take them to appointments. Have your relative update their healthcare power of attorney: What are their wishes now? Who is available for emergencies?
- Bills and finances. Make sure they have named someone as durable power of attorney to take over when they no longer have capacity. On an immediate basis, someone needs to monitor that bills are paid and scams avoided. Some tasks can be done from afar by you. Daily money managers and financial advisors can also play a role here.
To find and vet helpful resources, seek out the local Area Agency on Aging, Alzheimer’s Association chapter, senior center, or even your relative’s faith leaders for ideas. If local friends and family are involved, learn what help they can realistically provide to avoid potential miscommunications and resentment down the line. Online calendar tools, such as CaringBridge or Lotsa Helping Hands, can help you coordinate everyone from afar. As the disease progresses, continue checking in to see if adjustments are needed.
Are you caring long distance for a loved one with dementia?
If your loved one is living with dementia, you may be feeling a range of emotions – confusion, grief and exhaustion among them. Our Dementia Care Program offers you education, resources and compassionate support tailored to the specific challenges of dementia caregiving. We can be your eyes and ears on the ground, coordinate care for your relative, and offer tips and resources to support you. Give us a call at 302-478-5707 to learn more.
